


So that just happened...

by NaraMerald



Series: Team Human [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bondage, Coming In Pants, Crack, Dominant!Lydia, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Enthusiastic!Allison, Everyone Is Alive, GreatIdea!Stiles, Irrepresible!Danny, Kinbaku, Naughty!Danny!, No one is at all worried about being attacked, SexuallyFrustrated!Allison, Snarky!Lydia, Steve the Werewolf, Team Human, Truth or Dare, What have I even written?, bisexual!Stiles, kanima venom fix its, mention of threesomes, pinecone fix its, take it or leave it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/pseuds/NaraMerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trio of rogue wolves attacks when Team Human are at their weakest… or should we say… drunkest? </p><p>No worries, team human has this. With pinecones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So that just happened...

“Thisssss’s a great idea!” Allison grins enthusiastically, clinking her bottle with Stiles’. They then offer their bottles to Lydia and Danny who (on Lydia’s part anyway) find it within themselves to clink back. This fortunately happens without anyone falling over (because Lydia whined for a good half hour after she fell backwards last time).  
“Well… it’ssa forest but I guess it’ll do…” Lydia conceded, peering at the dirt on her expensive boots.  
“Those are… nice boots….” Danny giggles a little, before pretending to deep throat his beer.  
Stiles and Allison laugh just because.  
They’ve been here for a while, and they’ve been through a number of drinking phases. 

Phase 1: The Truth or Dare Phase  
“And… I may not have been wearing any underwear…”  
“DANNY!”  
“Well… most of my humiliation has revolved around lacrosse and Lydia…”  
“There was that one time you-”  
“DANNY!” 

“DANNY!”  
“What? You dared me to strip and…”

“What? I’m just saying. Chris Argent is hot! Smokin’… silver fox!”  
“DANNY!”

Phase 2: The “Take it or leave it” phase.  
“You’re on a desert island with a really hot guy… but he’s got fumble fingers. Take it or leave it?”  
“Oooh, Allison… harsh…” Stiles winced. Lydia waggled her eyebrows at him.  
“Last seat on a 2 hour bus ride… next to someone who smells like urine. Take it or leave it?”  
“Ew, leave it. Duh!” Lydia was totally disgusted by the question.  
“You have the best sex of your life… but you get herpes. Take it or leave it?”  
“Allison, you look like you are seriously considering that question…” Stiles laughs.  
“Best sex of my life, Stiles…” 

Phase 3: Most awkward moments (First round)  
“Scott’s mum. Walked in on me on the toilet. They got locks after that,” Stiles admits.  
“Jackson’s parents walked in on us,” Lydia admits freely.  
“At my old school, this jerk tugged my skirt down in front of everyone,” Allison growled.  
(“I bet he didn’t do that again…” Stiles comments as an aside.)  
“I vomited on a guy I was trying to get with once…” Danny winced. 

Phase 4: Most sexually triumphant moments  
“Totally had a threesome. It was amazing!” Danny crows, looking happily reminiscent.  
“That’s hot,” Allison breathes.  
“Surely you, Scott and Isaac?” Lydia questions bluntly.  
“Oh ew!” Stiles winces.  
“Shut up!” Danny swats him lazily.  
“No… but I totally would!” Allison admits with a smirk. She looks like she’s picturing it in her head and Stiles silently thinks oh ew.  
“Threesomes are good… but I like Jackson when he’s tied to my bed,” Lydia admits candidly, inspecting her nails. They’re a bright turquoise. 

Phase 5: People who look like animals.  
“Greenburg… a giant carp out of water. Just limply flailing around, out of control.” Lydia suggests.  
“Ha ha oh god he does! He totally does!” Allison laughs so hard she actually snorts aloud, which sets the rest of them off.  
“How can a person look like an axelotyl?!” Danny cries, confused. He looks at his beer balefully, as if blaming it for his lack of comprehension, before deciding perhaps more beer will help.  
“It’s his stubby little forearms ha ha…” Stiles crows.  
“Speaking of stubby little forearms… Johan is like a raptor…” Lydia muses.  
“Stiles could be a meerkat?” Allison tries, and gets a very dignified yet injured look from Stiles in response. 

Phase 6: The actual most embarrassing moments  
“I couldn’t get it up once. I was so drunk and I tried and it just… didn’t happen…” Danny admits morosely.  
“Opposite for me… the one time I managed to get close to this guy we were dirty dancing and then… let’s just say it was an embarrassing wet spot…” Stiles groans.  
“Are you saying you jizzed in your pants?” Lydia seems entirely too delighted.  
“Wait… why am I even surprised?” Lydia comments and Stiles sticks his tongue out.  
“What about you ladies? Danny turns the question back on them with a sly smile.  
“I farted in the middle… like it was really great… the sex I mean… and then… just…. It was so loud…” Allison cringes but Stiles is almost hysterical, laughing like a Hyena. Lydia and Danny are the only ones who seem to pity her. Her princess-y looks just make their mental picture more hilarious.  
Their gazes turn to Lydia who admits “Last time I tried to give blood, I couldn’t because I’d had to use the morning after pill when Jackson and I ran out of condoms. Bad enough that I had to buy the morning after pill from Mr Pham, who stared at me kindly, but judgingly, and then because I didn’t have the symptoms, they thought I was pregnant and wouldn’t let me donate blood… Most awkward 20 questions ever.” Lydia’s eyes narrow in remembrance.  
“Fuck being a girl man…” Stiles says, and Danny drinks to that. 

“We could play “Are you nervous…” Allison suggests with a wicked smile.  
“But then how would Stiles dry out his pants?” Lydia quirks her lips at him and the insult doesn’t sting.  
“I wish you’d go back to taking your aggression out on Jackson... ” Stiles grumbles back.  
Danny wriggles his fingers obscenely.  
“DANNY!” 

It’s at about this point that their remaining common sense starts deserting them.  
“Hey, if I threw this pinecone could you hit it with one of your arrows?” Stiles slurs, and for some reason, they all think this is an amazing idea. Allison grabs her bow.  
The first arrow misses the pinecone completely, partly because Stiles dropped the pinecone before he could throw it properly.  
The second attempt has the arrow hitting a tree. The third arrow makes a weird “Fuck!” noise as it hits the bushes. 

“Did that bush just swear at us?” Danny asks incredulously.  
“Either that or the arrow,” Stiles considers.  
“I think it’s more likely that we actually hit someone.” Lydia rationalizes and then pales “Oh… shit…”.  
“Oops?” Allison giggles, completely inappropriately for the situation. The four of them stand up, Danny toppling to the side and then catching himself and then they all proceed towards the bush in a line. Alcohol has removed most of their caution (“What if it’s a werewolf?” “Nah…”), common sense (“Should we just run?” “Nah…”), and ability to walk normally (Stiles is weaving like a drunken sailor, Allison is almost skipping, Lydia’s measured steps are much, much slower and Danny is overcompensating with every movement). 

The four of them peer through the bushes in what they think is a careful manner, and Allison actually shrieks and falls over backwards when she sees. Danny looks at her incredulously.  
“Aren’t you supposed to be a hunter?!” Danny gestures with his beer, slopping it over the side.  
“Hunter?” the random body in the bush grunts out and its eyes flash bright blue.  
“So… figuring it’s a Were…” Lydia says casually.  
“You okay down there dude?” Stiles asks, confused as to why he’s just lying there.  
“Hit by… arrow. Can’t… move…” the Were grunts out.  
“Oh… my bad. That could have have been the…” Allison giggles a bit, “… Kanima venom arrows.”  
“Kanima? That’s… real…?” The man sounds incredulous as he strains to speak.  
“Like you wouldn’t believe, my man,” Stiles announces, throwing a long-suffering look to the paralysed Were. 

They sit him down and give him a beer, not seeming to realize he can’t move his hands to drink it, and continue on.  
“So what’s your name bro?” Danny asks him genially. The Were looks at them in abject disbelief, like his sanity is crumbling.  
“Don’t worry dude, weird shit just happens round here. Promise we’ll get you sorted out with the whole Kanima venom thing…” Stiles assures him.  
“OHMYGOD! Of course!” Lydia gasps; the Were looking like he would have flinched if he were capable, stays perfectly still as she plonks a straw in his beer.  
Allison nods wisely, as if she has solved life’s problems, and they all seem to miss the fact that the Were still can’t bend his head to the straw, even if he did actually want to drink.  
Steve, as it turns out (“STEVE? Your name is Steve? Oh man, talk about lackluster names. I knew a Steve once…”), is a pretty chill individual- unfortunately his friends are not. 

Stiles falls over backwards in horror as a roar shakes the forest.  
“Oh shit,” Allison groans.  
“So… that’s not a normal wolf, is it?” Danny asks hopefully, looking at Steve.  
“There are no wolves in California,” Lydia snipes, sculling the rest of her beer quickly.  
“Is this really a good time to be drinking more heavily?” Danny yelps.  
Lydia then smashes part of the bottle against a tree, brandishing the jagged edges as a weapon.  
“Ooh good thinking…” Allison ignores her small arsenal of weapons and goes to break a bottle. “Allison no-” Danny groans as Allison forgets that there is beer in the bottle, getting the alcohol all over her. “Damn,” she giggles.  
“See? I didn’t want to waste any,” Lydia snarks primly.  
“I love you,” Stiles professes.  
“Calm down,” Lydia sneers disdainfully, staring at his crotch.  
“It was one time! One!” Stiles throws his hands up and bends down to pick up a rock, just as the first Were leaps over him. 

“Holy shit!” screeches Danny, turning to run, only to come face to face with another.  
“Steve’s just there!” Danny points frantically to Steve, who is still paralysed.  
“News flash Danny, I don’t think they care about Steve!” Stiles shouts, eyes still attempting to track the first Were. Danny blinks and thinks drunkenly that Steve must be sad at this declaration when Allison goes to throw the bottle. Before she can even blink, Stiles’ Were is on the move and Allison’s grip on the bottle slips. The bottle flies backwards over his head and… nails the second one in the face.  
“Wow… the odds…” Lydia says, sitting next to Steve.  
“Why are you…” Steve begins.  
“Look at me Steve. Do I look like I’m fighting in these shoes?” Lydia asks archly.  
Steve does not reply.

“Give up now, and we’ll make it a mercy killing,” growls Were 1.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Stiles whispers a little too loudly.  
“Bad timing dude!” Danny winces.  
“Or…” The Were draws out the words with a grin, “We’ll just eat you!”  
“Okay, that’s fucked. Seriously, what’s with all the sullen wolves around here? All you wolves ever seem to do is sulk, have existential crisises and NOT TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! Don’t be a dickhead!” Allison rants.  
(“She really wanted that threesome hey…” Danny murmurs to Stiles.) 

“I take offense to that!” Steve mutters.  
“Well, you’re not exactly the life of the party, are you Steve?” Lydia snarks back.  
“Paralysed…” Steve growls at her, eyes flashing blue. Lydia rolls her eyes back at him. 

Danny’s Werewolf surprisingly reacts rather docilely to being bottled in the face, blinking owlishly in the moonlight. Danny thinks he’s cute.  
“Hey… what’s your name?” Danny tries for peace. The Were looks vaguely confused before all systems come back online and he goes for the jugular.  
“BAM!” Allison downs him again, this time deliberately, using her shoe.  
“Holy shit you can do damage with those!” Stiles comments, before running for his life as the other Were starts to chase him. It’s made easier by his accidental unpredictability as he veers off course, tripping over things with an ungainly momentum.  
“Danny, Kung Fu move- let’s K.O. this bitch!” Stiles shouts heroically, as Allison sprays the wolf with her perfume disguised wolfsbane . The Were screeches and stumbles around a bit. Danny supports Stiles to attempt a greatly acrobatic flying kick- except Stiles misses and Danny accidentally lets go, sending Stiles crashing to a tree. Allison snickers.  
“Second try! KUNG FU STILES!” Stiles announces even more drunkenly, rubbing his head, completely undeterred. The Were is now scraping at his face, completely ignoring the humans as the first one, mildly deterred by shoe-impalement, gets to his feet for round two.

“Is it just me Steve, or are you guys like the worst wolves ever?” Lydia snarks. Steve ignores her. 

“You have good muscle definition!” Danny winks, before hauling ass out of there as the Were leaps. Lydia casually inspects her broken bottle before dipping it in a little jar of what looks like lipgloss and hurling it at the Were. He barely notices the impact until he goes rigid, teetering like a petrified mummy and falling to the ground. Danny doesn’t notice the near miss, wondering where the wolf has gone. 

“How much of that do you have?” Steve grinds out.  
“It’s best to be prepared Steve, you never know when you might need it.” Lydia indicates the fighting in front of him.  
“Aren’t you a Banshee?” Steve asks her.  
“Steve, do I look like someone who enjoys karaoke to you?” Lydia sniffs disdainfully.  
“I LOVE KARAOKE!” Allison grins before leapfrogging over Stiles’ back to jump on his back. The wolf, appearing to be semi-blinded, parades around trampling and no one achieves much of anything attack wise. (Allison does seem to be having a lot of fun). 

When she finally leaps off of him (nearly wrenching her ankle in her somewhat ungraceful landing), Stiles has arranged Danny, gearing up to try his fly kick again. The Were victim is by now stumbling around trying to rake his claws into various trees.  
“I GOT THIS! I GOT THIS!” Allison shouts. Motioning for Stiles to get on his knees (Danny leers), she does an amazing run up, springing off of Stiles up to gain momentum from Danny’s back (who immediately chokes from the strong kick, gurgling awkwardly) and aims for the Were’s face. The first blow from her left foot finally takes the poor wolf out, but in an awkward serious of circumstances Allison’s right leg continue on the other side. The result is the unconscious wolf getting a face full of Allison’s crotch and Allison walking like a cowboy for the next half an hour. 

“Too keen Allison,” Stiles actually snorts.  
“Look who’s talking,” Danny waggles his eyebrows.  
Allison and Stiles glare.  
“At least his mouth wasn’t open. Look at those teeth…” Lydia points out practically, and all of them wince.  
Danny grabs another beer and they all sit down again.  
“You’re not just going to leave them there are you?!” Steve asks incredulously.  
“Steve mate! Forgot you were here!” Stiles goes to fist bump Steve, then remembers he is paralysed.

“He’s right. Let’s tie them up,” Lydia says briskly.  
“Can you even- Oh, right.” Allison self corrects, looking interested.  
“Have you ever?” Stiles asks Danny curiously.  
“Not my thing,” Danny shrugs, and they all watch as Lydia begins the first knot. “Definitely her thing though.” 

 

~*~ 

Stiles wakes to a not-so-gentle boot in his side and a throaty “Well well well…” from Erica. 

“What the hell happened here?” Derek grinds out, (on anyone else, this would be a shriek). Scott and Isaac’s jaws are practically on the ground and even Boyd’s eyebrows are raised as they take in the scene. Allison is only in her bra (When did that happen?), there are three random Werewolves and two of them are tied very tightly and intricately to the trees, pincecones stuffed in their mouths as gags.  
“Orgy” Danny replies, at the same time as Stiles says “K.O.”, Allison says “Fight club”, and Lydia says “This is Steve.”  
Steve waves.  
“Dude, you can move…” Stiles grins, high fiving Steve.  
(“Dude you exist…” Danny mutters, before continuing something about a drunken hallucination.)  
Derek’s face twitches, spasming as he tries to keep his emotions under control. 

“I leave you for one night…” Derek seems to be about to explode. It’s at this point that Allison notices Lydia drifting towards Jackson, who is staring at the bound Weres with a funny look on his face. She snorts.  
“Uh… Allison… your…” Scott begins, trying and failing to look away from her chest.  
“Huh. Where’d that go?” Allison looks around, only to have Isaac hand it to her, a smirk on his face. Now it’s Danny & Stiles’ turns to snort. 

“Damn it, I missed out on all the in-jokes!” Erica complains, eyeing them all with interest. And as they all trickle out of the forest (“It’s definitely a spell. We can’t give you any of the details from last night.”… “Wha- yeah. No definitely we can’t say them. Anything really. Like a curse. A terrible, terrible-” “Shut up Stiles.”), Lydia casting a regretful look back at the Weres (“Don’t you worry Jackson. I’ve got more rope at home.”) and Allison trying to discreetly ogle Scott and Isaac, the four humans discreetly high five. 

“We’re totally doing this again, right?”  
“DANNY!”


End file.
